Sweetest Salvation Page 8
He buried his face in her neck and sighed. She felt the smile spread across his face against her skin.
Yes, she knew he loved her, and she was already well on her way to being deeply in love with him.
But Andy withheld the words. Her hands roamed his back and pinched his ass. He drew back and looked down at her, the biggest smile on his face she’d ever seen. Still, the words wouldn’t come.
Those words had only been said to one man in her life.
She wasn’t quite ready to say it to a second.
****
Hunter stood in the doorway of his bedroom, glass of water in his hand, and frowned. Andy had been curled up, cuddled in his bedding when he’d left her.
Making love with her, finally admitting how much he cared about her…his life would never be the same. She still needed time, though. And adjust to the idea of making changes in her life. He’d give her the time to get used to things, but he’d be right alongside her the whole way.
Smiling, he turned and headed toward his den. He hadn’t passed her in the living room on his way back from the kitchen and the bathroom door was open. There was only one other room she could be.
His smiled died when he stood in the doorway and noticed the tears on her pale face.
Standing by his desk, her gaze was fixated on the mantle over his fireplace.
His “family” pictures sitting on top were probably a surprise to her. Andy had only been to his condo a few times, either to pick up Peter when Hunter babysat after a date-night with Patrick, or to drop something off. She’d never once been in his den.
The pictures ranged in size: the largest was an eleven by fourteen of Peter on his fourth birthday. Chocolate cake covered both his cheeks and his hands had mushed even more between his fingers. Peter loved chocolate cake, and Andy had always made him his very own small, one-layer cake that he would have all to himself. The picture was one of Hunter’s favorites.
Framed eight by tens and five by sevens held so many memories, and those he loved embraced him whenever he walked into his office.
He took a step toward her, but she held up her hand to stop him, then wiped the tears from her cheeks. Her gaze swung toward him, and he swallowed hard.
He understood seeing the pictures had to be hard for her, especially since her home was void of memories like this. But he would not deal with the pain as she had. He wanted the physical memories around him, to feel the love he had for the people most important to him. This way, he couldn’t hide from the pain.
He held his hand out, but she turned away and walked to the mantle.
She lifted the large photo of Peter and ran a finger down the glass, as if touching her little boy’s cheek.
“I could have beaten you with the toy gun you got him that day.” Andy’s voice was so soft he could barely hear her so he shifted closer. “He pulled that trigger at every opportunity. It made so much noise.”
Hunter smiled and laid an elbow on the end of the stone. “Every boy needs to have a toy plastic gun,” he joked.
Andy’s brow arched. “Couldn’t find one that was silent, though, could you?”
“Nah, of course not. The noisier, the better.”
She pulled the frame to her chest and hugged it tight. “He had so much fun that day. The older he got, the more he loved his birthday.” She looked down at the picture again, then back at Hunter. “I love this picture.”
“Maybe you should consider getting some of your photos out again,” Hunter offered casually. “Remember that one of him and Patrick, the first time we all took him to the beach? That was a priceless one. I still remember Peter’s face when Patrick had dipped his feet into the water.” Hunter shook his head and smiled. “I’d never seen anyone with such a red face of fear and tears falling down his cheeks.”
Andy laughed softly. “Yes. Remember Patrick’s reaction?” She placed the frame gently back on the shelf. “You’d think he’d just stabbed his son with a pin. He was so upset that he’d scared Peter.”
Hunter loved hearing her carefree laugh again. He hadn’t heard it in so long.
“You know, you might be right.” Andy picked up the smaller picture of Hunter, Patrick, Jeanine and Tony.
“I’m always right.” Hunter grinned. “Haven’t you figured that out yet?”
Andy swatted his arm. “I’m serious. Maybe I should get some of those pictures out again.”
Hunter’s heart swelled with love and surprise. Maybe the time away had given her some freedom, and not being in the house alone may have helped.
He walked to the old sofa against the wall and sat on one end. The faded brown couch had followed him from his first apartment over the bar where he worked, then to college and now to the first home he’d bought. Patrick would tease him about the “hunk of junk” as he’d called it, about it being the only ugly thing Hunter owned.
But he could never get rid of it. It had survived a lot with him.
He watched as Andy continued to pick up and gaze at each photo. Her long, brown tresses obscured most of her face from sight, but he saw her wheels turning. With each small hitch of her breath or smile, he knew she was reliving memories.
A photo in hand, Andy turned and approached him. She sat beside him, close enough to touch but not crowding him. She turned the frame around for him to see. “I like this one a lot.” She smiled.
The photo of her holding Peter, with him and Patrick on each side of her looking down at the baby, was one of his favorites, too.
Hunter treasured the photos he was in with the Sheavers or with Andy, Patrick and Peter. Nothing meant more to him than the five people who loved him unconditionally. He smiled and nodded. “It’s a fantastic picture.”
She stared down at it, then set it on the small table in front of her. She shifted to get more comfortable and leaned back against the sofa. “You meant so much to Patrick. You were the brother he always wanted.”
His throat tightened. His bond with Patrick had been that of brothers. Hearing her say it, now, when he missed his buddy so much, choked him up. He cleared his throat. “I thought of him the same way.”
“You took care of one another.” Andy breathed out a small laugh. “I would sometimes get jealous of how much time the two of you spent together and even finished one another’s sentences.”
Hunter gaped at her. “You didn’t have anything to be jealous about.”
She shrugged, her cheeks red. “I know, it sounds silly, but those were things he and I should have been doing.”
Hunter shook his head, unsure what to say. “I’m sorry…”
She clasped his hand from where it laid on the couch. “Oh no, don’t apologize. Trust me, it’s fine. I got over it, and the more you were around and I got to know you, I couldn’t help but understand. Besides, a husband and wife can’t share everything all the time now can they.”
She didn’t really pose it as a question so Hunter remained silent and wondered where her thoughts were headed.
“Did you know the only real fight we ever had was about you?”
What the hell…? “What do you mean? What was the fight about?” Hunter wasn’t sure he truly wanted to know.
They were all his family. He hated the thought that he’d imposed too much and caused a problem between Andy and Patrick.
“Seems silly to think about it now, but remember when Patrick wanted to take that ski trip to Vermont?”
Hunter nodded.
“He wanted it to be a weekend for us alone. He’d promised it would be.” She continued, and Hunter’s heart sank. He knew what trip she meant. “Of course you didn’t know he’d promised me, but you showed up the next morning and told him the renovations to the club were complete. It would open the next week.”
Her gaze met his. “Patrick was thrilled for you. He was so excited; it was as if it were his club. And right on the spot, he…”
“Asked me to go to Vermont to celebrate,” Hunter filled in, embarrassed. His hand tightened on hers.
“Andy, I didn’t know.”
“I know. And we ended up having an even better time the rest of the weekend. You were both ecstatic. Hunter…” She stopped, maybe hesitant.
Hunter reached out and lifted her face with a finger on her chin. “Tell me.”
She clasped his hand in hers and held it against her knees. He shifted closer.
“You were there my entire marriage.” Her fingers covered his mouth, silencing him when he tried to speak. “You were there for everything. And it’s okay. In a very weird and strange way, one which doesn’t fully make sense to me, losing Patrick angered and made me sad for various reasons.”
Hunter scowled. “What do you mean?” he asked, from behind her fingers.
Her hand lowered and wrapped around his again.
“I was angry that I’d lost both of them. The two people I loved most in the world were just gone. And I have been angry with God and everyone around me for still being here. But I’ve come to realize I was angry because you’d also lost them.” Her eyes watered and she gave herself a small shake. “You, who were an amazing uncle, brother, needed them as much as I did. It made me angry that we’d both lost them. You know my parents have always travelled and rarely ever remember that they have a child. We’re similar in so many ways, you and I. I never really noticed it before. But Peter and Patrick were ours. Why did we have to lose them?” Andy drew in a harsh breath.
Hunter couldn’t fight it any longer. He pulled her into his arms. She was right. They had lost the two people most important to them and never grieved together.
Sobs racked their bodies as they allowed themselves to let go. Hunter had never realized he hadn’t grieved as he probably should have.
When he felt Andy’s sobs lessen and his own had stopped, he pulled back and wiped at his cheeks. He cupped her face in his hands and thumbed her tears away. Leaning forward, he kissed her on the nose.
“Thank you,” he said gently. “I didn’t realize how much I needed to grieve like that. Especially with you. Besides Tony and Jeanine, no one else truly understands what the last year has been like.”
She nodded. “You’re right. I talked to them on the phone before I came here.”
He was glad she had remained close with the Sheavers even though she’d believed they blamed her for the losses they all shared. They loved her as much as he did.
Desperate to pledge his love to her forever but certain she wasn’t ready to hear it, he shifted uncomfortably.
“Do you want anything, Andy? Something to drink?” Hunter stood, desperate to hide his true feelings.
She looked up at him, arms folded in front of her. “Running, Hunter? That’s not like you.”
He speared her with a glare. “I’m not running. I just thought we’d expended enough deep emotion today. You obviously don’t agree.”
He turned toward his desk, needing to keep his hands busy. When Andy’s hand grabbed his wrist, he knew she wasn’t going to let up. As much as he wanted to discuss the future, fear of it made him want to avoid it. But they had to resolve their issues in order to move on.
Hunter’s heart hurt at the thought of moving on and not loving her as she should be loved.
****
Her heart racing, Andy’s hand tightened around Hunter’s wrist.
She’d come to see him in order to clear the air and find out if they could say the things that really needed to be said, in order to figure out the future.
But their desire for one another had kicked in immediately and neither resisted. She’d wanted him—on top, under, behind her—any way possible, as long as he was touching her.
Ecstasy in his arms was unbelievable. She was always a needy lover, but gave back as good as she got, and he met her stroke for stroke.
“Come sit back down, please,” she requested softly.
He hesitated when she tugged on his arm, but finally relented. She ran her hands over the couch and really looked at it for the first time.
“This must be the hideous brown “better in the garbage” couch Patrick told me about,” she commented.
Hunter sat and frowned. “It’s been with me for years. I can’t part with it.”
Though she’d tried to lighten the mood, Hunter sat rigid, his gaze averted.
“Sometimes we need certain things in our lives that no one else understands.” Andy hesitated, then took a deep breath. “Like you. I want you in my life more now than ever. I should never have taken my pain out on you. Made you feel worse than you were already feeling.”
Hunter’s gaze widened and his jaw clenched. He nodded. “I need your friendship in my life, too.”
The poor man. He looked so dejected Andy had to keep herself from chuckling.
“That’s not what I meant.”
He tilted his head and frowned. “No?”
She shifted closer until their knees touched. She laid a hand over his. “For the last year you’ve been there for me. I might not have wanted you to be, but you were. And the last six months…” She paused and shook her head sadly. “You’ve pushed me to get back among the living. Even if it was to go out and get my hair done. You wouldn’t allow me to curl up and waste away. I fought you every step of the way.”
“You think?” Hunter smirked.
She squeezed his knee and pointed her index finger at him. “Don’t be a smartass. The point is you took care of me. Hell, I would never have groceries in the house if it wasn’t for you bringing some by. I really let my grief take over my life. I want you to know, as I told Tony and Jeanine, I’m not going to live like that any longer.”
Hunter tucked her hair behind her ear. She thought her heart would thud out of her chest.
“That’s great news. I’m sure you’ll find all the strength you need to make it happen.”
“I think I will.” She looked over at the photos lining his mantle, then back at him. “I will forever miss them. Peter will always be my first child and that void in my heart will never be full again. And I love Patrick. He’ll always be with me. We shared some of the very best years of my life. He was my everything, you know that, right?”
She looked at him, imploringly, hoping he understood.
Hunter shifted, then nodded. “Yes, I know. He was your one great love. The two of you were wonderful together.”
“Until I pulled myself out of the dark and agonizing place I was in, I would have agreed with you that he was my one great love. But I’ve come to learn that maybe there’s more than one love for everyone.”
He shook his head. “Patrick was your soul mate. I’ve heard you say it a million times over the years.”
She nodded; frustrated with herself that she wasn’t explaining it to him well. He didn’t get it. “Yes, I do think he was my soul mate, but I don’t think he’ll be the only one in my life.”
Hunter’s eyes bulged. Andy nearly laughed. He looked as if his eyes were about to pop out of his gorgeous head.
“You mean you’re going to start…dating?”
She chuckled. “Don’t sound so shocked. But no, I’m not going to start dating.” She took a deep breath and forged on. “I’m already seeing someone.”
“What the fuck? Andy, we just…when…”
Andy pushed him back into the corner of the couch when she realized he was about to bolt off it, anger pouring off him. She should have worded things better. “No, relax. Let me finish.”
“I don’t believe it. I’ll kill him!” Hunter’s fists clenched at his sides.
“Hunter, look at me.” She cupped his cheek. “Don’t be dense. I’m talking about you, you dolt. I want to see where you and I will lead.”
His body jerked. “You mean,” he swallowed, “you and I are dating?”
She nodded and dropped her arm. Nervo
usness zipped through her body. “Yes, if you want to. I know we kind of started backward. The night at the club, earlier.” She paused then said, “It was amazing. As much as I tried to keep things impersonal, you still wormed your way into my heart. It was as if that night, I allowed myself to open up.” Her gaze met his. “Your presence in my life, in my heart, blossomed into the realization of how important you are to me.”
His hand clasped hers tight. “You deserve better than finding some guy to have sex with who will never treat you like a lady should be treated. That night, today, meant more to me than you know.”
Deep inside, Andy knew Hunter had always loved her as more than a friend. But until the words left his mouth, she wouldn’t put him on the spot. He’d kept his feelings to himself and allowed Patrick his happiness. He’d been true family to Patrick. His selflessness made her adore him even more.
“I’d love us to take it one step at a time. I trust you. I don’t know what the future holds for us, Hunter.” She wanted—needed—him to know that more than anything.
Andy couldn’t say for certain where they’d be in three, six or a thousand months, but she did love him. They’d started as great friends and had become so much more. The time away made her see things so much more clearly. But she still wanted more time to heal and truly forgive herself for everything.
Hunter smiled and pulled her toward him. She laid her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her and cuddled her close.
“One step at a time it is.” He tucked a finger under her chin, and she leaned her head back. “We don’t have to rush anything.”
Andy looked deep into his eyes. They were alight with joy and his smile was contagious. “No, we don’t need to rush anything.”
“We’ll simply be together. I’d love to take you to dinner. Just the two of us,” he suggested.
Andy suddenly realized the once bright room had darkened now that the sun went down. Her stomach growled, which caused them both to laugh.
Her head back in the crook of his arm, she cupped his cheek. “Dinner sounds wonderful.” She grinned.